Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
