If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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