Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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