im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
