I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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