Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
