he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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