its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
