My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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