His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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