He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
