mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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