you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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