You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
