that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
