I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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