after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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