1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
