I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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