The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
