Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
