he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
