Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
