imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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