cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
