Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
