I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
