Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
