I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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