I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
