I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
