I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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