you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
