happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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