were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
