weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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