PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
