so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
