remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
