My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
