Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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