i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
