you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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