note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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