Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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