remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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