i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
