I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
