you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
