Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
